Self Sabotaged Baked Goods

-Self Sabotaged Baked Goods-


I am my own self sabotage

Sprinkle a little anxiety and

Lack of medication in

And you get something good



I am my own self sabotage

Mix a little glass in that batter

And you got that familiar smell in the oven

Of loss and shame.


I am my own self sabotage

Taking light yellow

All the way to green

When It should have complemented

Your purple aura perfectly



Have you tasted that

Glass yet?

If you haven’t,

It’s coming

When you least expect it.


I am my own self sabotage

That sweet icing is

Flavored with guilt

Can ya taste it?

It’s that salt that

I took from your wound

And put in my batter.




Pumpkin Beer

-Pumpkin Beer-

i’m drinking a pumpkin beer and

i can finally calm down

i am thinking about

what i did and

i wish i had calmed down



i pushed when

i was off my foundation

i pushed when i could have not done it

and i think i

pushed too hard,

did I?


i’m drinking my pumpkin beer

the kind that we wanted to try together but

i wasn’t calm enough for you and

i scared you more than

our halloween plans would have


i am sipping it like

the words i want you to say

but i gulp down every little response now

that i get from you

every little syllable excites me

too much

way too much

i am sipping my beer and

i swear i am calm and

waiting for your next move

i don’t even know

if there will be any


i am calm now

until you text me

then i’ll blow it

one last time because

i can’t handle myself

like every new something that

is meant to be

i over do it

before you find yourself

forever next to me


i’ll drink this pumpkin beer and

dream of what was and

what could have been

in the end i am alone

yet again.




Happy Insomnia

-Happy Insomnia-

For the first time I,
I cannot sleep
not because of stress or
that familiar agony that
comes from missing someone

For the first time I can’t sleep because
I am excited.
I am excited for what could be;

The room melted away around us
my stomach since
has not stopped with
the flutter of butterflies
I think of you and,
I can’t help it

And you’re constantly on my mind
and I love it
I love how you
keep me up at night because
of excitement
of what could be
of what will be
a new true love
just waiting to grow

Our passion
our connection
our love…

I can’t sleep at night
and for the first time
I am more than okay with it.


Hitrecord, adhd, and collaborations

I would like to take the time to let everyone know that there is an awesome site out there called “Hitrecord”. It is a site that lets you contribute anything creative (writing, drawing,music,other audio,videos, etc.) and then other people on the site can take what you did and elaborate on it, and create something new out of it. It’s pretty cool, and you get credit when ever someone re-mixes your stuff. you are a source that is cited! There is also potential to have one of your contributions picked up by the main people on the site, and it could be included in their T.V. show. if this happens you get paid for your contribution!

anyways, I think there are some awesome people here in the wordpress community who would benefit greatly from this website, so i thought I would share it with you.

here is the link to the site:

I would also like to take this opportunity to share with you my collaboration ideas I have had for the site. here are the links for them so you can contribute to them. :

this one is about living a ‘double life’ :

this one is about ‘Loss’ :

this one is about ‘Potential’ :

this one is about ‘ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder)’ :

I would be honored if my fellow wordpress-ers contributed their thoughts and writings and other creative things to my collaborations. That would just make my day!


-Feathers of Happenstance-

Running Pain

the pain is running down my leg again, connected to my spine, centered at the base of my back.

the pain is running down my leg again and i wish it were just the phsical pain but memories of how the injury happened haunt me daily.
the pain in running down my leg again and i find myself wishing that it would continue running away right off my toes and onto the pavement, melt, and evaporate away.

the pain is running down my leg again and i can’t run away from it.




Empty coffee mugs

Sit on my coffee table

And slight electronic music with the taste of

Trip hop rings in the room;

I can’t sleep.


Effortlessly you

Have kept me up again

With yet another disappointment of

A day behind me

All I can think of

Is the biggest disappointment of all.


Where did it all go wrong and

Why do I have

Constant reminders hit me

When I least expect it

When I least want it

When I least need it


I look up the chords to ‘unchained melody’ and

Think of you


Why do I do this to myself?

It’s worse than the caffeine addiction that I’ll never win.

It’s like a cat chasing the residual cat nip

From ten years ago.

She still thinks

Something is






this song was playing when i wrote this poem. check it out. play it as you re-read my words.