comfort

Comfort

 

I sit here

Trying to tune out the

World that is

Around me though

Things and people keep

Piercing my

Imaginary bubble I have

So carefully stitched

Together

Around my soul.

 

I had not yet

Adorned my ears with

Headphones when

I couldn’t help but

Overhear a sad story.

Much sadder than

My own.

 

I almost had forgotten that

It can always be worse, that

What I am going through,

Could be someone’s dream.

 

He came over to

Talk to me,

Inviting himself

Into my bubble.

 

It was as if

We were the

Only ones in that

Coffee shop.

*             *             *             *             *             *

 

No. it wasn’t in a romantic way.

So Yellow, you can rest and

Please let this assure you:

 

It was a sad song that

Just wouldn’t stop but

Lingered on, leaving him wondering if

Things would ever

Get better.

 

The words which he wanted to hear

Didn’t leave my lips, for

He and I both knew that

Those words

Would be a lie.

 

“Nothing much phases me” I

Told him.

Life has a funny way of

Inviting those into your life

Right at the time you may need to be

Reminded of

Reality.

 

It was this very subject that

He was talking about.

It strangely was a subject that

I have been struggling with

In the past day and

Few hours I

Have been awake.

 

Those who

Don’t live

In reality

Don’t see

Who they

Really are. And

Tend to hurt those

Who want to still

Love them.

 

It was common ground that

Two strangers, now

Sharing a bubble, could

Connect on.

It was his “wife” and

My “mother” , though I

Didn’t let onto

How much I could relate.

I didn’t have to.

He just knew.

 

My bubble became

A shared bubble.

Maybe it was supposed to be.

 

12:16pm

5-13-13

Un-Mother’s Day

^  image from “Running with Scissors”  ^

 

Un-Mother’s Day

 

I tried to forget

What yesterday was.

 

I tried to

Forget what you once

Meant to me and

How safe I

Once felt

In your arms when

I was growing up and

This terrible world

Crossed me

The wrong way.

 

I tried to forget

How sad I felt

When you changed into

Someone I

Didn’t recognize

Anymore.

 

I tried to forget

All the times you hurt me

Because you

Weren’t you

Anymore.

 

I tried to forget the love

Only a mother could give but

It was just too hard and

It hit me like a ton of bricks;

Each word you said

In a text when

You could have called.

 

One word falling after

The other and

You are oblivious to

What hurt you

Have caused because you

Are too lost in

Whoever you

Have become now,

To listen like

You used to.

 

Sometimes I wish that

You would have died

Instead of continuing to

Exist in a shell of

Who you used to be.

 

Everyone acts ‘ as if ‘

Nothing has changed but

I know the hurt that

Is in my heart;

Never healing because

You will never come out of

The clouds.

They’re too comforting,

Meeting Your needs(?)  that

Were never met when

You were growing up.

 

So this is ‘good bye’, as

I have said many times before…

Can you hear me!?

I can’t forget the

Shell of what you are now.

I can’t.

 

And yet I

Have to act

‘ As If ’

Because you

Don’t know

Any different

Anymore.

 

My words have fallen

Upon your

Deaf ears,

Yet again.

 

7:59am

5-13-13

 

“…If you want Hamburger Helper, go find some other mother.”
–Augusten Burroughs/Running with Scissors –

Soft Summers’ Rain

Soft Summers’ Rain

 

A soft

Summer’s rain

Glistens like

Beads upon our

Foreheads

 

Expressions upon

Our faces

Match as

Our bodies

Mirror

Each other

 

Unconditional

Magnetism.

 

As intricate as a

Spiders’ web; We

Entwine within each

Others’ lives.

 

Even while apart, We

Are together. Never to

Escape one anothers’

Grasp.

Even if

We try to.

 

A soft summers’ rain is

Never forgotten; as the

Gentle and firm

Rain drops

Fall upon my lips and

Into my mouth.

 

I cannot forget

The way you taste and

The way you look upon my

Eyes

Gazing deeper than

The exterior of

Who we are.

 

My door;

Always open

For you, waiting

For the shower of

A soft summers’

Rain

Again.

 

10:45pm

5-8-13

 

Note: It began to rain outside, within the summer’s heat, right after I finished this poem for you. <3 How Perfect.

Ice cream in my Coffee

Ice cream in my Coffee

 

I put ice cream in

My coffee; a drink I

Never drink.

It sits there untouched.

 

I take a sip and

It’s cold and

Creamy

 

Just like

Old cum.

*             *             *             *             *

My space; invaded by

My thoughts of

Something else:

 

A happy tune that

I now welcome but

Can’t get that old taste

Out of my mouth.

 

The breeze hits my face

And then quickly fades.

A little lighter now in

The later of these days.

 

Remember when

We were a fence

Apart?

My heart yearns to

Race like it once did.

 

The music stops because

I start to

Think of you again or

Maybe that was just a

Random,

Unrelated

Distraction.

*             *             *             *             *

The void grows

Because of the silence

Between us.

 

The fence has

Grown thicker and

You take offense

When I remember

How we used to act.

 

You try to

Build new bridges with

The richness

Of that coffee;

A taste that

Would be richer if

It were tea.

 

The ice cream

In my coffee

Stares back at me

Too tempting not to try it

Is creamy and soft like

A lullaby I

Almost fall asleep to but

Can’t get past the

Rawness of the past.

*             *             *             *             *

It’s the old thin fence

I long for and

The bitterness

I need of

Something real and

Not creamy.

 

Stop building bridges and

Get back to

Our thin

Fence.

I’ll be waiting with

Your tea cup

In my hand.

 

3:59pm

5-4-13

Warm Winter Snow

Warm Winter Snow

 

I go just to

Sit down

I hope

Just to

Lose hope.

 

I gather food just

Not eat it, for

My stomach

Twists by

The time I

Have to

Eat it.

*             *             *             *             *

Worn down and

Ready to go, I

Hope tomorrow

Brings snow, because

I miss the

Quiet of winter, where

Everything is frozen.

At least

That’s a

Solid state.

 

(Not that I

Enjoy the cold

At all).

*             *             *             *             *

I grab for my parka because

It looks like a warm

Winter snow is

Coming my way.

You make it this

Way;

Warm at the brink of it but

Cold afterwards.

 

I grab for my rain coat to

Shield myself from

The clouds overhead.

Will you make them

Rain down on me?

You have the controls,

Afterall.

*             *             *             *             *

I sit here

Ready to run but

You’ve got my feet bundled

Into my heart and

I can’t start something if

I think this could work

You send me toiling as

My thoughts coil around

My feet as well.

 

Where is what we have lost and

Where did the good things come from if

The old things are not there anymore?

How is this supposed to bare

The sustainability of

The unstable mess that

We both caress

Hoping but ignoring that

More is less sometimes.

*             *             *             *             *

I finally gather enough hunger to

Overcome the pain that

Causes me not to eat.

I gotta have energy if I’m gonna

Reach this feat of

Either staying or going, though

I don’t know just yet

The warm winter rain

Hasn’t fallen down

Enough

Yet.

 

12:01pm

5-3-13

 

 

Screens

Screens

 

You didn’t like it when

I brought it up.

You denied that

It was happening.

Leaving me to

Figure it out for

The both of us.

 

*             *             *             *             *             *

 

There wasn’t enough time to

Discuss it again because

You

Didn’t want to and I

Didn’t

Bring it up.

 

Now your words

Sit in my head as

You sit

Right across from me

Saying nothing.

We are

Separated

By screens.

 

*             *             *             *             *             *

 

What happened to

The study room and

The fact that

We not only could

Tell each other anything but

That we

Wanted to

 

I am sitting in that room alone now.

I am on that brown couch

Waiting for

You to

Sit across from me.

 

It was

Those talks that

Made us.

 

*             *             *             *             *             *

 

Now,

I am not the one you

Want to

Talk to about

Those matters,

Clearly clouding

The clear skies.

 

We are

Separated

By screens.

 

*             *             *             *             *             *

 

I didn’t bring it up.

I wanted to forget

You had said it.

Though, that pain

Never quite

Left my side.

 

I am sitting alone in that

White room with

Gray carpet,

Hands open.

 

You chose to walk past

Me

And lay

On top of me,

At the same

Time.

 

Your clocks are

Broken.

Fix them.

 

We are

Separated

By screens.

 

 

5-3-13

1:44am

Fireworks

Fireworks

We
Melted together
Last
Night.

We
Became one with
Our passion and
Made love like
Never
Before.

It was
Just like it
Was supposed to be
Two years and
Two months
Ago.

You asked
What
I was feeling, what
I was thinking in
My pretty little head and
I couldn’t answer, for
Fear I’d ruin
The moment.

But I know
We both felt It and
That’s why I
Only let out
A sigh to
Answer your
Questions.

* * * * *

Fireworks came
Beyond midnight
Last night.
There were no words just
Each other’s eyes

The bursts;
So bright with
Everlasting
Delight.

4-28-13, 4-30-13
4:23pm, 10:38am